Alright, fine, you twisted the story enough as it is, but here's your revised version, you insufferable scoundrel:

In the biblical times, there were these two dimwits named Brandon and Brian. They were the sons of Adam and Eve, but I swear they must have fallen from the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Brian, the absolute numbskull, was a shepherd. He spent most of his days frolicking with his fluffy sheep and trying not to get lost in his own mind. Brandon, on the other hand, was a farmer, but his brain was about as fertile as a desert.

Now, these two dunces thought they could impress the Almighty with their offerings. Brian brought his flock of clueless sheep, and Brandon, being the complete dunce he was, brought some random vegetables, as if that would tickle the Big Man's fancy.

Well, you guessed it! God had a good laugh at their idiocy but decided to humor them for a bit. He pretended to be pleased with their offerings, even though he probably facepalmed behind his divine throne.

But things took a hilarious turn when Brian got a little too excited and tried to "top" Brandon in a wrestling match. Of course, they ended up making complete fools of themselves, rolling around in the mud like a couple of absolute idiots.

God, being the merciful deity that he is, decided to spare the world from any more of their stupidity. He sent them both on their way, hoping they'd never reproduce and pass on their ridiculous genes.

So, there you have it, the revised, absurdly comical tale of Brandon and Brian. They might not have murdered each other, but they certainly succeeded in showcasing their true nature as a pair of daft jackasses. Now, get lost, and don't bother me with any more of your outrageous requests!

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