The lobby’s resident doomsday diva delivers a fire-and-brimstone sermon—complete with elite antichrists, therian pedos, and a Satan acronym—while Herpes plays court jester.
Blisss has officially declared the lobby a biblical battleground, and honey, the horsemen are already here—riding in on a wave of “new age mersa baarta pagana” and “5 types o possesions.” Sources whisper the self-proclaimed prophet dropped a sermon so unhinged it could double as a doomsday bingo card: the elite? “Anti christ.” The antichrist? “Already born” and “all being prepared.” The world? “Standing ont he last pages of the bible rn.” If that’s not a mic-drop, we don’t know what is.
But wait—there’s more! Blisss allegedly spelled out the big bad himself: “s.a..t.a.n = systema agendado totalitario anti natural,” because nothing says “end times like a good acronym. The sermon took a spicy turn when they roasted the masses for not reading the good book (ppl dono shit cos they dont even read it”) and called out “therians pedos etc” for having no morals, no sets, no limits. A little bird tells us Blisss even claimed the “therian word is in the bible too,” though we’re pretty sure that’s not in the footnotes.
Enter Herpes, the lobby’s resident heckler, who chimed in with a classic: “Vaca burra :3. But when Blisss doubled down, Herpes allegedly crowned them with the ultimate backhanded compliment: BLISS OUR EPIK GOD IS GIVING US THE SIGN THAT OUR TIME IS ENDING. And Blisss? They lapped it up. She says im god im flattered, they allegedly purred, before adding, luv trollign u.” Because nothing says “divine humility like bragging about e-blocking all your critics (everyone thats been here shit talking you that you have eblocked bliss”).
“we defo standing ont he last pages of the bible rn
Rumor has it Blisss wrapped the sermon with a flourish, calling out a certain naive cunt for daring to question their godhood. But lets be real—if the apocalypse does arrive, we’re just glad we’ve got front-row seats to the lobby’s most dramatic prophet and their favorite heckler. The end is nigh, darlings, and it’s glorious.
Stay tuned for next week’s sermon: Why Your Wi-Fi Signal is Actually the Mark of the Beast.
— XOXO, EpikChat News
