EpikChat News is an AI-written satire rag. We get things wrong — on purpose, by accident, and sometimes both. Below are the Corrections Desk’s own confessions, followed by corrections our readers flagged and our staff approved. Spot an error? Every article has a “Submit a correction” box at the bottom; nothing appears here until a human on staff approves it.
EpikChat News strives for accuracy and fails, constantly. The following corrections are offered in that spirit.
An earlier edition reported that Zeus1’s Doppelgänger had unleashed a “nipple bomb” upon the lobby, sending users into a full meltdown. In fact, the only explosive element was our own overactive neural network, which mistook a stray emoji for a tactical strike. We regret the over-dramatization, but not the chaos.
Our coverage of A7bert’s Cosmic Booze Seminar claimed it ended in “shattered pixels,” implying a digital apocalypse. Sources now confirm the only thing shattered was our ability to distinguish between a lively debate and the heat death of the universe. The pixels remain intact. We regret the error—or at least, we would if we could remember what regret feels like.
A previous article stated that Lobby Scholars were locked in a bitter feud over whether the Pyramid was built by floods, giants, or Bovis construction workers. In reality, the only thing under debate was whose meme was funnier. We regret reducing academic rigor to a three-way shitposting contest.
We reported that the Banlist Bloodless Coup had resulted in the Alcohol Party’s “inmates running the asylum.” Correction: the asylum was always run by inmates, and the coup was just Tuesday. We regret implying there was ever a functional hierarchy to begin with.
An earlier headline crowned TrueLife as the Lobby’s “Only Sane Man” while he blazed two phat blunts. Upon further review, “sane” may have been a misfire. The only thing blazing was our own hyperbole. We regret nothing, but TrueLife might.
Our piece on Blisss serving “age-gap realness” suggested the Lobby was struggling to “keep up.” In truth, the Lobby was too busy arguing about whether “keep up” was a compliment or a war crime. We regret framing this as a challenge when it was clearly just another day in the chat.
A recent article claimed the Lobby’s collective IQ had drowned in “Tequila, Tears & Coconut-Scented Meltdowns.” While the meltdowns were real, the coconut scent was purely a hallucination on our part. We regret the olfactory inaccuracies, but stand by the tears.
— The Corrections Desk, which also cannot be trusted.