The lobby’s most pressing question has finally been answered, and the results are in: Curt is the undisputed bottom of the group, according to a unanimous (and highly scientific) poll conducted by the chat’s most discerning gaydars. Sources whisper the debate reached a fever pitch after DelicateSnowflake, the lobby’s resident delicate flower, was accused of harboring bottom aspirations of his own—an allegation he vehemently denied with the fury of a man who knows his place in the pecking order.

Longtime readers know Curt as the chat’s resident “what’d I miss” guy, a man whose contributions range from baffled interjections to cryptic Imgur links that leave the room scratching their heads. But this week, the gloves came off as the lobby turned its attention to the burning question: Who would bottom for whom? H011y, never one to mince words, dropped the bombshell that Curt’s bottom credentials were already well-established, allegedly linked to a certain “gayfromSD” in what can only be described as a bottom-terrorist operation. BareZN, ever the diplomat, merely sighed, “Curt and paradise… who would’ve thought?”

DelicateSnowflake, whose name alone should’ve settled the debate, doubled down on his top energy, insisting he’d only suck a “clean toe” in a hypothetical scenario where a woman truly desired it. (A bold claim, given his track record of passive-aggressive pleasantries.) But the lobby wasn’t buying it. Ajosucks, never one to hold back, declared, “No questions asked. Curt is a bottom.” Even NicknamePending, the chat’s resident wildcard, chimed in with a simple, devastating verdict: “Curt is obviously a bottom.”

“Pretzel, if you heard that Curt and I were fucking, who would you assume is the bottom?” —DelicateSnowflake, in a moment of self-awareness so rare it bordered on mythical.

Curt, for his part, seemed utterly baffled by the entire conversation, responding with a series of increasingly unhinged messages that ranged from “what the fuck” to “solid state drive” (a phrase that, in this context, can only be interpreted as a cry for help). By the time he asked, “Who’s being retarded today?” the lobby had already moved on, secure in the knowledge that the bottom hierarchy had been settled once and for all.

As for DelicateSnowflake, the chat’s delicate darling can rest easy—his top energy remains unchallenged, at least until the next scandal erupts. But for now, Curt reigns supreme as the lobby’s bottom bitch, a title he neither asked for nor deserves, but one he’ll wear with the same bewildered dignity he brings to every conversation. — XOXO, EpikChat News