In a late-night manifesto that left the chat scrolling in stunned silence, self-proclaimed #1 fan skewl dropped the gossip bomb of the week: she is the sole object of Avalanche’s allegedly steamy solo sessions. Sources confirm skewl’s all-caps declaration—”LISTEN…AVALANCHE MASTURBATED TO ME”—sent shockwaves through the lobby, though Avalanche himself has yet to weigh in on the alleged self-love confession.

Not content with staking claim to one hottie, skewl doubled down, insisting Avalanche “BELONGS TO ME” before expanding her empire to include Tree—because apparently, one heartthrob just wasn’t enough. “TWO HOT GUYS. AVALANCHE AND TREE…ARE MINE,” she proclaimed, as if the lobby’s hottest duo were collectible trading cards.

“LISTEN…AVALANCHE MASTURBATED TO ME.” — skewl, in what may be the most possessive flex of the year

Defensive of her alleged conquest, skewl was quick to clarify: “AVALANCHE DOESNT JACK OFF TO EVERY BITCH,” a statement that, if true, would make her a very lucky woman indeed. The lobby’s resident matchmaker also took credit for Avalanche’s popularity, insisting “PPL DONT LOVE AVALANCHE UNTIL I SAY HES HOT”—because nothing says “modest” like claiming you invented a man’s sex appeal.

Whether Avalanche and Tree are aware of their new status as skewl’s “connected to me forever” duo remains unclear, but one thing’s for sure: the lobby’s gossip mill is working overtime. And if skewl’s track record holds, this won’t be the last time she reminds us who allegedly owns the hottest real estate in chat.

In the meantime, we’re left wondering: will Avalanche and Tree finally acknowledge their self-declared queen, or will skewl’s one-woman harem remain a fantasy? Either way, the drama is so hot it’s practically NSFW.

— XOXO, EpikChat News