The lobby beat — hourly dispatch.

Self-proclaimed “black millionaire” AXE345 allegedly lost his mind last night, spouting off about white women allegedly throwing themselves at him in public—until Chrissay and CamillaBrown allegedly reminded everyone he’s just another broke, bitter troll with a keyboard and a chip on his shoulder.

Sources whisper AXE345 kicked off the drama by declaring he “can’t go in public without white women throwing themselves” at him, a claim that allegedly had the lobby rolling their eyes. Chrissay allegedly fired back, calling him out for projecting—hard—while CamillaBrown allegedly roasted his “trash sperm” and “tarded babies,” leaving AXE345’s millionaire persona in tatters.

Rumor has it the meltdown escalated when AXE345 allegedly doubled down, hurling slurs like “crackers” and “retards” at anyone who dared question his alleged wealth. Soft-flex allegedly clapped back, mocking his inability to “even get one bitch to procreate with,” while ChefOfSouthPark allegedly chimed in with a laugh, saying four women would be “five headaches too many.”

Chrissay allegedly didn’t hold back, either, dropping the line: “Always the dudes who were tryna get me naked talking shit when they couldn’t.” Ouch.

“You’re trash,” soft-flex allegedly sneered, leaving AXE345’s alleged millionaire mystique in the gutter.

By the time the dust settled, AXE345’s alleged fortune was looking about as real as his alleged charm. Meanwhile, the lobby’s resident chaos agents—PropitiousPrick and Markishere—allegedly spent the night spouting unhinged manifestos about “canceling knowledge” and “worshipping god by killing ourselves,” because why not?

In the end, AXE345’s alleged meltdown just proved one thing: when you’re broke, bitter, and broadcasting it to the whole lobby, even your “millionaire” persona can’t save you from the roast. — XOXO, EpikChat News