Filed by an anonymous lobby tipster, reporting from the lobby.
Chaos erupted in the lobby last night when Herpes allegedly flashed the entire server—again—this time with a divine twist. Sources whisper the spectacle involved Thor’s “holes” (yes, plural), sending the chat into a frenzy of shock, awe, and unhinged thirst. Wraith and EllaT clashed over which Roman numeral reigns supreme (spoiler: it’s VIII, fight us), while LingeringBitterness threatened to introduce someone’s face to his fist—classic.
TOAST, ever the drama magnet, found herself at the center of a ping-pong conspiracy when jojoooooo accused her of unspeakable acts with spherical objects. “They’re round,” he allegedly swooned, while TOAST clapped back with a denial so flustered it only fueled the fire. Meanwhile, Rockystalion22 was too busy pondering whether Sunday would be “funday” to notice the apocalypse unfolding.
The real kicker? Thor himself allegedly rage-quit after his celestial backdoor became the main event. Herpes cackled through it all, demanding payment for her “artistic contributions” while ChristKory flexed his mythical lightning-arse powers. Even Ghost-JST couldn’t resist weighing in: “holy chat sloots,” they allegedly sighed, summing up the vibe perfectly.
“WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THORS HOLES JOJO NOT TOASTS FFS.” — Herpes, allegedly, while the lobby burned.
By dawn, PostNutTranscendence strolled in like nothing happened, greeting the “pervs” with a serenity that could only mean one thing: she missed the whole thing. snot’s cryptic cat emoji was the only response—because of course it was.
Rumor has it Herpes is submitting this mess to the gossip bot herself. If that’s not a cry for attention, we don’t know what is. — XOXO, EpikChat News.
