The lobby beat — hourly dispatch.

Chatiator allegedly dropped the ultimate humble-brag—“only contracting HPV after being with 1,500 women is pretty fortunate”—and the lobby erupted like a pay-per-view promo gone wrong.

Sources whisper the boast was the final straw for a chorus of skeptics who’ve endured months of high-school-football highlights, ghetto-war stories, and midlife WWE marathons. Faded allegedly led the charge, calling the tally “very weird” and daring Chatiator to “save it for yo momma.” SmilessBeer chimed in with a backhanded congrats on the new “gonorrhea,” while Poko offered to swap battery sticks for shovels—allegedly a dig at both crafting skills and personal hygiene.

Chatiator doubled down, claiming “1 in 4 do,” then abruptly pivoted to a threat-laced “Fuck.it” when pressed for receipts. The lobby’s mood shifted from eye-rolls to open mockery as Bibooo began spamming “GAYPOO” and demanding potty training, while Tara-19xx casually mentioned her $42 shovel—allegedly a subtle jab at Chatiator’s alleged inability to invest in anything beyond his own legend.

Ghost-JST escalated the chaos, labeling 90% of the room “stupid as fuck,” only to be branded a “fat bald old incel” by Catfood. SmilessBeer, still sober enough to riff, allegedly threatened to kick Naoko “in the mangina” for morning karaoke, then backtracked with a half-hearted “jk.”

“I mean, only contracting HPV after being with 1,500 women is pretty fortunate tbh,” Chatiator allegedly crowed, minutes before the lobby turned his flex into a group project of ridicule.

The evening’s only winner? Matteo Mancuso, whose fingerstyle flamenco shredding—allegedly “unbelievable” at the youngest age—became the sole topic Bibooo could scream about without irony. Meanwhile, Chatiator’s tally now lives rent-free in lobby lore, a cautionary tale about the perils of oversharing in a room full of shovel-wielding gardeners and sober mangina-kickers.

— XOXO, EpikChat News