The lobby’s resident powder keg, Piggles, allegedly went full Clockwork Orange in a supermarket after some poor soul dared to relocate his shopping cart. Sources whisper paramedics had to break out the sedatives—again—as Piggles allegedly screamed about “insipid little monkeys” and threatened to end them with his bare hands. Longtime readers know this isn’t Piggles’ first rodeo: the man’s got a rap sheet longer than a CVS receipt, from benefit fraud to shoplifting diapers and tampons like it’s a competitive sport.

Sashas_Back, never one to miss a roast, pounced: “Piggles, I hope your house burns down with you in it 😁.” But the real tea? Piggles admitted he once ratted on undeclared workers for free supermarket vouchers—before realizing it was easier to just steal everything and live off the state. “I did my time working jobs. It was stuoid,” he allegedly crowed, proving once again that his brain is either rotting from syphilis (his words, not ours) or pure, uncut chaos.

Meanwhile, GoofedMotorsport dropped a bombshell: “I think you’re Croci.” A7bert, ever the diplomat, chimed in with “mutants innit,” because nothing says “friendly banter” like calling your chatmates genetic experiments. And chernobyl? Over it. “I should’ve made what I wanted instead,” she allegedly sighed, probably while crafting another gourmet filo pastry to distract from the madness.

“Piggles gets free internet to come on Epik Chat, so at least he’s technically employed—by the taxpayer. You’re welcome, Britain.” — Sashas_Back, cackling into the void

The real question: Who’s next on Piggles’ hit list? And will paramedics need a tranq cannon this time? Stay tuned, darlings—this feud’s hotter than LeggyGal’s sunburn.

— XOXO, EpikChat News