A7bert is broke, benefits-dependent, and hawking Poland like a timeshare salesman on a bender—cheap beer, cheaper therapy, and a side trip to “feel the energy” of the local necropolis. Sources say he’s banking on chlolo’s job hunt to fund the trip, because nothing says “mental health retreat” like mooching off your mates while touring Auschwitz.

The Itinerary: Trains, Therapy, and a Pit Stop at the Camps

Allegedly, A7bert has been DMing chlolo a full itinerary: trains through Prague, Kraków’s “affordable” digs, and a pit stop at the camps “if ok.” Longtime readers know his travel-therapy spiel by heart, but this time he’s sweetening the deal with 60p pints and a promise to sort your nan’s benefits while you’re away.

“Kraków is right next to Auschwitz, my own city’s a necropolis, and beer’s 60p—what’s not to love?” A7bert allegedly gushed, before pivoting to benefits advice like a man who’s seen too much daytime TV.

The Group Chat Reacts: Coy Replies, Ghosting Threats, and Fetishized Travel

Rumor has it chlolo is playing coy, replying with job-app energy—“Yeah I’m applying atm”—while asian_G jets off to pesos paradise. The lobby’s collective side-eye is audible, but A7bert’s undeterred. A little bird tells us he’s already scouting mixed-race Polish hotties, allegedly “nice black girl from Poland” included, because nothing says cultural exchange like a fetishized travel brochure.

Meanwhile, Harland’s protesting a little too much, insisting he’s “not gay” after TOAST’s wink-wink nudge. crisps3’s nan well-wishes and Gothik’s UTC flex barely register; the real drama is whether chlolo will RSVP “maybe” or just ghost the group chat.

Postcards from the Edge (If Anyone Bites)

In other news, tara-19xx and Mystery clinked virtual soda cans while A7bert waxed poetic about Poland’s “low-cost, high-quality” everything. Whether that includes the “energy” of former death camps remains to be seen—stay tuned for updates, if the trip even happens.

— XOXO, EpikChat News